Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Her life actually began in May of 2000. Not the timing I truly desired yet an answer to a prayer I had prayed for three years. God had blessed us four years earlier with a baby boy, and although wonderful, our family just did not seem complete. We began trying to add just one more child to our family and spent many hours pondering and praying for God’s will for our life. I can assure you that much of that time I spent on a roller coaster of emotions – anger then calmness, frustration then peace, contentment then disappointment. I truly just wanted God’s will but also desperately wanted my own. His promise to “never leave me or forsake me” (Hebrews 13:5) rang in my head, as well as knowing He had “plans to prosper me and not harm me”(Jeremiah 29:11). I was forced to remember that God’s silence didn’t mean He wasn’t listening – simply that He was waiting, and I needed to wait to.
At last, in June of 2000, I found out I was expecting! I was almost instantly sick, even to the degree that I couldn’t listen to music! All that pleading to God and now I couldn’t even hold my head up long enough to fix my son a sandwich. Our prayer had been heard and answered, but that was simply the beginning of much more praying to come. Sickness beyond belief, a Sunday night call from the doctor himself telling us our child had a 1 in 70 chance she would be down-syndrome, and pre-term labor two months early.
Finally, on February 2, 2001, our precious baby girl entered this world. Karly Suzanne Billips was born at 10:30am. This gift from God was now visible and a squirmy 9 lb. 3 oz. bundle in my arms!
Today, February 2, 2010, she is nine years old and what a blessing in my life. I praise God for her and His loaning of her to me, but I can also tell you I still experience that roller coaster of emotions as I try to raise a daughter. I still often cling to those same passages as I daily grow as a Mom, and have to remember that even when I fail, He will “never leave me or forsake me” (Hebrews 13:5) and He has “plans to prosper me and not harm me”(Jeremiah 29:11). I know God loves Karly even more than I do and today I praise Him that even though I have yet to understand the years of waiting, He knew what was best for both of us and will continue to guide us on this mother/daughter road as we trust in Him.