Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is with you , He is mighty to save, He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.

A few years ago I was sitting in Suzanne's house starting a new Bible study. I can't remember which one(I didn't get to finish it because of scheduling conflicts with Troy's job and the kids.) What I do remember is we were asked to read several Bible verses and pick the one that meant the most to me. I read this verse and honestly was ready to head home right then. I had never read that verse that I could remember. I remember being absolutely floored that the Lord of the universe took great delight in me. That he rejoices over me with singing. Wow. I have been on a long journey of seeing who I am in Him. I have found a new identity. An identity that is not founded in my accomplishments or achievements but one that has nothing whatsoever to do with me and everything to do with who God is. I had fallen into a miserable trap of finding my value in what I did. I have done it my whole life. I was always striving to be the best at sports and academics and I was good. I succeeded and had medals, scholarships and certificates to prove it. I was good at my job and well liked. When I got married we had a great relationship. I cooked and cleaned and supported my husband and loved it. Then our kids started coming and I prided myself of being able to "have it all together". I was the master of schedules, organization and meal planning. But with each one I became more frustrated with myself. I was overwhelmed and felt like I was swimming upstream. By the time Sophie was a year old I felt like a complete loser. My house was a wreck, my kids watched way too much TV, I still had "baby" weight to lose and I was a basic mess. I convinced my self that I was a failure. I had no worth or value to anyone. It was a very hard place. Then I read those words "the Lord delights in me and He sings over me." Those words brought a small bit of light to a dark place in my heart. I wasn't fixed overnight but God has been using those words to change my view of myself. It has taken almost 2 1/2 years to actually believe them. But I do. My house is very often still a mess, my kids still misbehave, I still have some baby weight to lose, I am often overwhelmed but the darkness has lifted. Because no matter what I am a child of the King. I am His beloved. He takes great delight in me and rejoices over me with singing.

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